i'm going to deviate from the collage (w/bonus YouTube video) format i've been using...just for today.
this photo sits on a bookshelf near my side of the bed. i snapped it for December Views thinking, gee, i don't think i've ever taken a digital photo of this poor ol' thing. it's a lot worse for wear from all the moves and the tropical humidity during our island years. i can't remove the photo from this cheap frame now because tiny parts of it are stuck to the glass...so sorry for the crappy quality. that's me...at 18...in the hills outside Pleasant Hill, CA in Contra Costa County...before those hills were covered with housing developments and condos. when i look at this photo, i remember the person who took it (who's deceased now)...riding out there in a Karman Ghia...listening to the Allman Brothers...on a warm, Indian summer day. you can't see what i'm holding...it's a bunch of these...
every year about a month before my birthday, i start to feel kinda weird. and every year it catches me off-guard...you'd think after so many years of it happening, i'd see it coming. having a birthday at the beginning of the year means, for me at least, that celebrating the New Year really feels like celebrating a new...year. about a month ahead of time, all those nagging questions and doubts start creeping up to the surface...all of those 'oh god, another year gone by and what do i have to show for it?' kinds of feelings that can haunt one in their most vulnerable moments. those thoughts have been nudging me in the ribs...but then it hit me... i'm going to be 55. fifty-five. fifty. five. OHMYGOD, I'M GOING TO BE FIFTY-F*CKING-FIVE!!!
for those of you who've known me awhile and are perfectly familiar with what age group i'm in, this will come as absolutely no surprise. but let me tell you, as horrified as i was to have to admit to being 54...55 sounds tons older. don't senior discounts start kicking in at 55?! i can't be a senior...i still haven't figured out what i wanna be when i grow up!
i turned 50 when we were living in the Caribbean...
i turned 40 in Portland...and my old fashion photographer friend, a former model, gave me a free sitting in his studio in Phoenix shortly before in honor of that milestone...
which means i turned 30 in the 80's...which would (hopefully) explain THIS. i'm wearing a huge black leather belt with an enormous Triumph buckle...over black leggings over black pantyhose...and (you can't see them) hot pink/black heels. the eyeglass frames? pink, of course. classy! i was living in Marin County and working at a TV production company...those were my 'work hard, party harder' days. that's my brother's ex-wife, Kelly, with me...a former Washington Redskins cheerleader. (she just flew to DC about a month ago for a reunion with them...she looks fabulous 25 years later.) she's Kayla's mom and we had a good chuckle when i posted this pic on Kayla's Facebook wall (she'd never seen it).
what does all of this have to do with December Views? well, like i said at the top, i snapped that photo of me at 18 to be part of Views...but then the number thing kicked in...and what i found myself most viewing over the past few days is myself. i don't mean by looking at old photos...i mean by looking back at my life thus far. wondering how the hell i got to be this age...and envisioning where i want to go...from here.
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