leaping into 2009 for some clarity

It's shocking to me that I'm so happy to be done with 2008, given that it was the year that gave us Barack Obama as our President-elect.  One would think I'd be feeling a lot of goodwill for 2008 for that reason alone.  It was also the year when after 13 years of anguish, Jeffrey's son came to live with us...and the year that gave us our first grandchild.  So there is much to celebrate about 2008.  But in all honesty, it was an incredibly rough year for me. 

It was a year filled with some hurtful betrayals...a year when my underpinnings of trust got very wobbly.  It was a year when I withdrew and felt very alone...when I lost sight of my dreams and let go of the rituals that give me solace.

And yet, it was a year that gave me a fabulous Twitter tribe (even though I'd been on Twitter since May '07, it was the beginning of the election primary season that ramped up my use of it).  I developed a deep love for microblogging in 2008.  But it was a year when microblogging was all that I felt able to focus on for the most part, given all that was happening offline, which means it was also a year when I felt removed from my blogging community...a community that means so much to me.

On January 1, I did something I'd never done before:  I cleared out my Bloglines feeds without reading each and every post.  I simply couldn't bring myself to enter 2009 with the burden of those unread posts hanging over my head.  I felt enormous relief as soon as I cleared them, since I'd spent most of 2008 trying to keep up while feeling incredibly guilty that for most of the year I had 5-10,000 unread posts sitting there.  I felt like I was being a bad blog-friend if I didn't read every single post in every single feed--and I read a lot of blogs!  Social media guilt is one of the major things I want to let go of in 2009.  Because falling behind in reading blogs and commenting--and then beating myself over it--was a big motif in 2008.  

Other things I'd like to see a helluva lot less of in 2009?  Drama, resentment, menopause, isolation, insomnia, Sarah Palin, worry, stress, making myself small for others' comfort, obligation, fear, lack of exercise, abandoning self-care, anger, confusion, tears, betrayal, racism, cultural economic worries. 

I spent most of 2008 out of touch with the things that fuel my creative juices and that's something I plan to correct in 2009.  My word for 2008 was LEAP and aside from everything I've just written, I did leap last year.  I leaped away from a really bad work environment and leaped into step-parenthood and grandparenting.  And I celebrate those leaps.

Someone on Twitter asked yesterday what word we'd like to focus on this year...and the first word that came to mind was CLARITY.  If 2008 had me swimming through the haze of menopause just trying to keep my head above water, then 2009 is a year when I'm hoping to clear up some confusion and feel clear-headed about some things. 

I've mentioned things I'd like less of in 2009...here's what I'd like more of...photography, writing, poetry, travel, kindness, laughter, blogging conections, friendship, reading for pleasure, fitness, relaxation, self-care, prosperity, freedom, compassion, hope, intuition, good food, dreaming, sleep, the comfort of rituals, spirituality, an inner life.

It's always exciting to begin a new year...to step through that portal of new possibilities.  I still haven't decided how I will use social media this year, and in all honesty, I have no desire to have a plan.  I'd simply like to let 2009 unfold.  Last year was rife with unexpected happenings, and even though it was a year filled with a lot of emotional pain, I believe the richness of life lies in its unexpected moments...for those are the moments that test and celebrate our character.

I wish you all a blessed 2009.  May however your journey unfolds this year bring you peace and kindness...and a comforting sense of self

Comments

[Sam]

I'm so happy to have you back blogging, in whatever capacity you choose! You are a mighty woman and I anticipate many good and powerful things in your year of clarity, my sweet friend.

[bella]

Wow.. what a powerful post. I've missed you, Marilyn!! My wish is that everything you seek comes to you in leaps and bounds. xo

[Margaret]

It sounds like a mixed year, like for all of us. I'm glad that you have perspective on it. I'm hoping for a happier and more fulfilling 2009 for you. (and me!)

[kathleen]

word.

i totally understand about the stress of not keeping up with blog reading. lol

please know that you can just drop in any old time and just say hello. i won't expect you to know all that is going on with me. just a hello brightens up my day, mama.

i hope you are well. and i truly hope that 2009 brings you happiness, peace and lots of love.

*tink*tink*

[Amy]

This is a great post. I'm glad to be part of the Twitter Tribe...it's been a blessing to me, too. Hope you're doing well! Take good care.

[linda]

YAY!!! Thank you for this freeing post.

If we're able to meet up at B&B, let's dance ourselves silly.

[violetismycolor]

I think you are right to focus on the good things that you want for 2009...and be thankful that we have Barack Obama to help us through this year!

[mari]

Hi Marilyn, I've been out of it for a little while but so happy to read what you're up to. Thanks so much for the e-card! I wish you lots of love and happiness this year. mari

[deb]

Nice to "see you" Marilyn.

You speak of blog-guilt and I find myself sighing ... grateful to not be alone in that place. ;) I'd have guilt that I wasn't posting enough (what is 'enough'? for whom?) and/or that I wasn't visiting my buds and commenting with the regularity that I used to. Too funny. As if there isn't enough to occupy our minds/energy, right?

Here's to your year of clarity; wishing you all good things.

Deb