Moojo Cafe

my 37 days

if i had a mere 37 days left to live i'd immediately start counting.  but not counting down to the end but up.  to that next place, that unimaginable plane we tend to fear yet might actually be a place full of joy and light and incomprehensible beauty.  a place of reunion and ease and lightness once we've shed the weight of our shoulds.  i wouldn’t waste one more moment in a thankless job i hate.  i’d hop a plane to New York, buy the sexiest pair of boots i could find and walk the streets of Manhattan like i owned the joint.  then i’d rent a car and drive cross-country because i always meant to do that.  i’d make sure to hit Montana ‘cause i’ve always wanted to go there.  i’d head south to the desert because even though i’m from redwood country, my heart lives in the desert Southwest.  i’d sleep in a tent and look up at the stars.  i’d nap in a hammock and eat tons of pie.  i’d float down a river on an inner tube and make every meal a picnic.  i’d write poetry when i felt like it and take lots of pictures.  i’d spend as much time as possible outside reveling in the miracle of nature.  i’d eat what i wanted when i wanted.  i’d never have to talk on the phone if i didn’t feel like it.  i wouldn’t worry about connecting online—i’d focus instead on connecting with myself.  i wouldn’t do one single thing i didn’t want to do.  that’s how I’d spend the first 30 days.  on day 31, i’d have Jeffrey fly in to be with me.  i’d spend the last week rejoicing in the love we share.  i’d hold him and kiss him and make love with him and look deeply into his eyes and thank him for all that we’ve been through.  at the end of day 36, I’d learn that there’d been a mistake—that in fact there was nothing wrong with me after all.  i’d spend day 37 simultaneously crying and laughing…stunned that it took looking death in the face to teach me how to live.

farewell

i'm not good
with goodbyes
never have been
i'm much better
at leaving
than i am
at being left
so forgive me
if i just disappear
please forgive me
if i sneak away
without a word
it's no reflection
on what you've
meant to me it's
simply that i've
never been good
with goodbyes

gratitude

i need more grati-
in my -tude
need more swagger
in my stride
i need more bounce
in my landing
need more chill
in understanding
i need more space
in my playtime
need more grace
in my pray time
i need more hues
in my blues
need more scenes
in my screenplay
need more tunes
in my soundtrack
i need more divine
and lots more sublime
i need more thrill
and lots less will
i need more dreams
in my schemes
need more evolving
in my absolving
i need more release
and lots more peace
i need more grati-
in my -tude

celebration

what?  what's that?
i'm sorry, i can't hear
you over the sound of
the products you're
promoting.
what? you're inviting
me to a celebration?
well, i'm not really
big on crowds and
i don't like
to schmooze and
make small talk
and walk around
with a fake smile
plastered on my face
but everyone seems
excited about going so
maybe i'll go too...

oh. i get it. it's a
sellabration.

curiosity

i used to think i lacked
curiosity
i'd meet people who'd
describe themselves as
being innately so
i thought i lacked the
curiosity gene
and added that to the
list of things that were
wrong with me
(and by that time it was
a very long list)
until one day (when i was
much older) it suddenly
dawned on me that
most people weren't
really that curious
after all

avenge

dude, don't even.
don't mess with me.
i'll have to get all
avenger on your ass.
if you wanna
go through your life
sowing bad karma
well that's your business.
but don't bring that
shit near me 'cause
i don't roll like that
at least not anymore
not since i gave up
the drink.
the problem i run into
the fix i continually
find myself in
is trying to always
save others
when i need to
spend more time
avenging myself.

guardian

you've been entrusted
to my care
you've landed on
my doorstep
you've been handed to me
as a gift
can i possibly bear up
under the expectations
i will set for myself
as i embark on this
journey? should i be
expected to?
the judge that sits
on high in my mind
has some pretty lofty
ideals and she battles
daily with the sprite
who's simply trying to
dance freely in flowing
robes in a desert canyon
my challenge will be to
let the judge fly away while
grounding the sprite a bit
so i can touch down on
hallowed ground
so i can find that place
in the center
that place that's called
present

questionable

q: have you no pride?
a: no, i have none.
q: have you no fear?
a: yes, i have lots.
q: how can you possibly have
one without the other?
a: i don't know. it's not easy
but i do my best.

coercion

in the mental rodeo
competition i am
surely a queen
i spend countless hours
practicing wrangling
my thoughts
it's much tougher
than it sounds
my lasso's pretty sharp
i twirl and twirl and
twirl it until it forms
a perfect loop
i've got that part down
but the roping is
another story and not
a pretty one at times
my thoughts run hither
and yon trying to
to keep me from
coercing them to
the ground
but every night i
keep practicing
chasing after those
pesky suckers trying
to wrangle 'em in

i'm one tired cowgirl

awakening

if only waking up
had anything at all to do
with being awake
waking up is the easy part
i take that back
it's not easy because
insomnia never feels easy
or effortless
on the contrary it feels
effort-full
like it saps one's energy
simply by happening
but oh how i long for
awake
for that moment when
one feels fully alive
fully engaged
those AHA! moments
when suddenly i
can see clearly as if
the fog has been wiped
off the lenses of my
eyes
because it’s never a
matter of just being awake
it’s about feeling awake
about not sleep-walking
through life it’s about
having the energy to
wake up the cells that
are crying out
for some life