Moojo Cafe

storm chaser

i don't need a tornado to
race after or a
hurricane to hunker
down from
a monsoon to outrun
or lightning to
hide from
i've got all the storms
i can handle
churning up inside
my emotional barometer
is falling rapidly
and it doesn't look
pretty so duck and
cover take shelter
and get the hell
out of my way

mapping

as women grow older
we fret over the
appearance of lines
on our faces
my lines showed up
but not on my face
i look down
at my hands and
see troubles i've
been through and joys
that surprised me
loves that emerged
and then walked away
pride in what i've
overcome and shame
at what i haven't
people i've known
and friendships
that survived
babies i've held and
tears wiped away
comfort and guidance
and doors that i've
slammed
they've been held
palms up in grace and
carted burdens from
place to place
they're a road map
to survival and
a testament
to leaving behind
my denial

intuition

when did my knowing
become something i
don't want to
know?  when did
that inner voice
become something
i feel compelled
to quiet?  who
walks up to a
truth-teller and says
thanks anyway but
i'd prefer to be
kept in the
dark?  what will
it take for me
to step back into
the light?

balm

the first sip of coffee
from my favorite
glazed mug the one
with the palm
tree on the front
a tiny nibble of
dark chocolate while
curled up in bed
lost in a novel
my eye catching the
blue sky space
between the branches
while sitting at
a stoplight
the comforting nuzzle
of one of my
brother's dogs their
unspoken TLC
a balm for my broken
heart

annoint

blessed be the ones
who tell the truth
in face of
an overwhelming desire
to cover it up
blessed be the tiny
fissures of light that
seep into the darkness
that find the
cracks in your defenses
for planting seeds
of self-kindness
blessed be the gifts
willing you
willingness
to open your arms
and receive
even as you cover
your eyes

for H. on his 18th

what does it mean to become
an adult?
some say it's an age
18 perhaps
like the age you turned
today
some say it's a state of mind
an accounting of
our actions a test of
our character
some believe it's
a rite of passage
with touchstone landmarks
along the way
i suspect being an adult
is all of those things
and then some

it means learning to separate
the person
from the behavior
to hold our loved ones
close in our heart
even when we don't agree
with their actions
being big enough to
admit when we don't know
and not being afraid
to own up
to our mistakes
to be selfless enough to
leave our ego on
the shelf even when we
have plenty to brag about
it means learning to
compromise and
understanding that
successful relationships
aren't built on selfishness
but that staying true to
one's authenticity
is vital to success

so, my dear H, as you
enter adulthood today
know this:
life is not easy or simple
yet its beauty can lie
within its complications
pursue your passions
honor your dreams
love with an open heart
be kind and compassionate
admit your mistakes
revel in your accomplishments
respect your partner
shine as a father
walk with pride but
not arrogance
embark on your journey
and embrace
the adventure

a return

i've stopped living out loud
i've lost my wild mind
my mindfulness my
living with joy
i'm my own lost soul
companion
i've stopped digging deep
not enough art
and too much fear
stashing wishes lies
and dreams in my
book of secrets

eat pray love
these simple things
getting nickel and dimed
forgetting to chop wood
to carry water
how to live in
the circle of prayer
i need a return to love
the wisdom of
the desert
miracles

succulent wild women
say the perfect power within
you is the power
of now
living synergistically
saying peace prayers
to heal your
body while writing
down the bones of
your everyday grace
the gift of change

what wonders lie
within our lesson plans
creative visualization
reminds us that life
is a verb a transformation
soup full of acts
of faith and daily
meditations creating
a life worth living
the artist's
way

critical crossroads

critical crossroads looms
for lawmakers*
we're becoming a world
full of rule breakers
tired of the status quo
we no longer accept NO
we're flattening hierarchies
and mocking oligarchies
it's not about grabbing power
it's learning to empower
mainstream media is dying
as citizen journalism is rising
democracy's in action
and not just in politics
artists are becoming
their own patrons
we're self-publishing authors
instead of matrons
we no longer need permission
or granted license to
carry out our mission
we're rising up
and standing tall
the cost of freedom
is now free
so make of yourself
what you want to be

*headline on front page of Sacramento Bee, 8.10.08

my 37 days

if i had a mere 37 days left to live i'd immediately start counting.  but not counting down to the end but up.  to that next place, that unimaginable plane we tend to fear yet might actually be a place full of joy and light and incomprehensible beauty.  a place of reunion and ease and lightness once we've shed the weight of our shoulds.  i wouldn’t waste one more moment in a thankless job i hate.  i’d hop a plane to New York, buy the sexiest pair of boots i could find and walk the streets of Manhattan like i owned the joint.  then i’d rent a car and drive cross-country because i always meant to do that.  i’d make sure to hit Montana ‘cause i’ve always wanted to go there.  i’d head south to the desert because even though i’m from redwood country, my heart lives in the desert Southwest.  i’d sleep in a tent and look up at the stars.  i’d nap in a hammock and eat tons of pie.  i’d float down a river on an inner tube and make every meal a picnic.  i’d write poetry when i felt like it and take lots of pictures.  i’d spend as much time as possible outside reveling in the miracle of nature.  i’d eat what i wanted when i wanted.  i’d never have to talk on the phone if i didn’t feel like it.  i wouldn’t worry about connecting online—i’d focus instead on connecting with myself.  i wouldn’t do one single thing i didn’t want to do.  that’s how I’d spend the first 30 days.  on day 31, i’d have Jeffrey fly in to be with me.  i’d spend the last week rejoicing in the love we share.  i’d hold him and kiss him and make love with him and look deeply into his eyes and thank him for all that we’ve been through.  at the end of day 36, I’d learn that there’d been a mistake—that in fact there was nothing wrong with me after all.  i’d spend day 37 simultaneously crying and laughing…stunned that it took looking death in the face to teach me how to live.

farewell

i'm not good
with goodbyes
never have been
i'm much better
at leaving
than i am
at being left
so forgive me
if i just disappear
please forgive me
if i sneak away
without a word
it's no reflection
on what you've
meant to me it's
simply that i've
never been good
with goodbyes