California Fever

Happy 4th!

I can think of no more inspiring story to share on this holiday than that of William Kamkwamba's windmill project in Malawi (link via Easy Bake Coven).  But that's not an American story, you might be thinking.  No, it's not.  But it's stories like this that never fail to inspire us, because they epitomize what we think of as the American spirit.  Please check out William's blog--start from the earliest post (there are only a few).  I guarantee you'll feel inspired.

Have a wonderful and safe holiday.

words & music

The sun's out--it's a warmish, beautiful day.  I've been to the library and plan to curl up on the bed this afternoon with a big stack of books...window open to the sun.  I'll be back to post something tomorrow for Sunday Scribblings.  In the meantime, I've got a couple of new posts up on my Ning blog.  Or if you're in the mood for new music, you can read the post I wrote today at Vox.

bigger than a breadbox

i've found you under
the bed before
more than once
actually
there've been times
when i searched
for you and times
when i've done my
best to hide from
you
you're not easily
defined because it
takes awhile to
understand that
what appears to be
your absence can
sometimes be your
disguise
you've become a
sort of old and
odd friend one that
can lend comfort
through your familiarity
and contempt from
your persistence
we dance within
our awkward embrace
most often you take
the lead but at times
i'll wrestle you
for power without
letting you go

Did you figure out what I'm writing about?  Edited Friday to add:  I was writing about darkness (depression).  More "no names, please" posts at Poetry Thursday.  And be sure to read Dana's March 1st post which describes all of the fabulous new stuff coming our way at their fabulous new site!

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My Own Social Network

In other news...   I've gone and done it--created my own social network. Not because I want it to be about me, but so I could create a community for any of you who'd like to create our own little network with me.  Sort of a MyPlace.  It's at Ning and it's totally free.  (They have a premium service, but I don't mind a few Google ads in return for free service.)  My network is called Finding My Mojo and it's here. It's not about my mojo--it's about yours and anyone else's, too.  (I've made it public.)  As I said in the "Welcome!" post there:

I created this network because I know a lot of people (mainly women, but some men, too) who seem to be in a similar place in their lives right now (myself included). We've incorporated elements of our dream lives into our day-to-day lives, but we want more. That taste of it has made us hungry for a more passion-laced life on a regular basis.

I created this as a place for us to support each other in that endeavor. A place where we can share the dreams that reside in the wildest reaches of our imaginations. Where we can DREAM BIG without anyone laughing at us or telling us all the reasons why those dreams will never come true for us.

Whatever your creative pursuit is--however you imagine your ultimate life--this is a place for you. This is designed to be a place of community and acceptance and support. I hope you'll create it with me.

Maybe something like this is appealing to you, maybe not.  If you'd like to join, you only need to set up a free account at Ning which only takes a moment. You'll have your own page in the network and you can customize the appearance of it.  You can blog there and have your posts also appear on the network's main page.  You can upload photos from Flickr (I installed a Flickr API--whatever that is!), your cell phone, email or your computer.  You can post videos (including from YouTube and Google).  There's a forum for discussions--I'd love to toss a few creative balls back and forth with you.  What I want Finding My Mojo to be is a community of like-minded souls who encourage and support each other. 

Having been in this blogging community for 3-1/2 years, I see a lot of blog-sisters (mostly sisters, but blog-brothers are welcome, too!) who seem to be on the verge...of something big.  Maybe 2007 can be a breakthrough year for many of us.  If I could have you all over for regular coffee dates, I would.  But since I can't, I created a virtual front porch where we can hang out and exchange ideas and encourage each other's wildest dreams.  One of my goals for 2007 is to be bolder and more open about my dreams.  As I said, Ning's basic service is free.  Maybe you like the idea of my network, or maybe you want to create your own--it could be about anything. However you do it, I hope you'll take some giant steps this year toward making your future your present...because that's exactly what I plan to do. 

changes

if on a regular basis
i could Create touchstones
for myself that
could function in lieu
of goals because the
g-word always smacks
of the c-word (commitment
shhh don't say it
too loud) so touchstones
that could serve as
benchmarks to let
me know when i'm
there if i could also
Heed my intuition because
it's all too easy in
my day-to-day life to
drown it out with
monkey mind so heeding
would be good as
well as Aligning with
what feels like my right
purpose if i could tune
in to see if decisions
feel right so aligning at
all times while simultaneously
Narrating what i want
to manifest through
affirmations because when
you really think about
it if you want to storyboard
your dream life then
affirmations are sort of the
basis of your script so
narrating would be on
the agenda and then i
could Grow excited about
the possibilities stretching
to the horizon i could grow
while making sure to
Elevate my consciousness
because i need to be in
a good clean place to
receive what all of that
opening up would allow to
come into my life so if
i could create and heed
and align and narrate and
grow and elevate then maybe
just maybe things might...
be different

More changes at Poetry Thursday.

star

break the mold that's
grown around your
forgotten desires open
the windows and let the
air circulate around your
spirit so you can hold
your heart in your
hands until its wings
unfurl break the slumber
that's become your
mind's thoughts the
numbing drumming of
doubts that have formed
the backbeat of your
life write a new
soundtrack and
storyboard your dreams
casting yourself to the
winds as star

It's a free pass today at Poetry Thursday.

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If you were to make a film of your life, who would you want to star as YOU?  My first choices?  Probably Carrie-Ann Moss or Catherine Keener.

Video Vision Statement - Online Seminar

The phenomenon that's spreading like wildfire...Malcolm Cohan's idea to create video vision statements.  Some of you enjoyed reading about it in my earlier post, "dreaming my future."  Well, Malcolm's received such an overwhelming response to his idea that he's offering to host an online seminar (probably within the first two weeks of January) on how YOU can create your own video vision statement.  All you have to do is send him an email at visionariesonline at gmail dot com (in the correct form, of course) and tell him whether you're a Mac or PC user.  The details are in his latestYouTube video:

What a GREAT way to kick off a new year--creating a personal, visual prompt to help you manifest your heart's biggest desires!

dreaming my future

Thanks, Jill, for hipping me to this video.  I've long been into affirmations and creating 'treasure maps' (collages) of what we want to manifest.  I spent a chunk of time working with an O.D. (Organizational Development) group in a large corporation where we talked all the time about (written) vision statements.  But until I saw Malcolm's video, it hadn't occurred to me to take all of those ideas and translate them to video.  So obvious...and so brilliant. Today's prompt at Sunday Scribblings is "Punishment & Reward."  I felt a little deflated when I read that (and don't get me wrong, I love the SS gals).  I felt deflated because I'm trying to get away from a life that incorporates punishment and reward.  I don't believe in them anymore.  I believe it still happens to just about all of us, but I wish it didn't.  I don't want to think about deservingness.  I'd like to believe that we're all deserving of having what we want, all the time.  That things don't happen to us because we've been bad or good, but because of what we believe.  For 30 years I've held onto the knowingness that we have the power to manifest what we want through our beliefs.  I really do believe that, because I've seen it played out many, many times.  I know, I know, you're going to say: but how can you say that when people are being slaughtered and dying of famine and being paralyzed in car accidents?  I can't explain it--I can only say this:  that I believe with all of my heart that there is enormous power in visualization.  If I didn't believe that, I wouldn't have asked all of you to send good thoughts to Taylor.  I believe it intellectually, but moving that belief to the emotional plane can be long, hard work--at least it has been for me.  I've had some truly wonderful gifts and adventures in this life, and I've had some hard-ass, bleak times.  And when I'm struggling, it's like the struggle lights up in my mind like a marquee.  "Now Playing!  Hard Times!  Unlimited Run!"  I become so blinded by the flash of the sign that I don't see that all that's behind it is an empty theater.  And we're a society and culture that thrives on the struggle.  All you have to do is watch one newscast to know that we care more about bad news than good.  Twice in the last month, someone has asked me what my goals are.  And I was stumped.  Goals??  What are these goals of which you speak?  To have goals, you have to have dreams, because (at least in my mind) goals are the concrete plans we make to manifest our dreams.  I'm extraordinarly good (that sounds like bragging, I'm sorry)...I believe I'm very good at helping other people manifest their dreams.  I'm smart and resourceful and I have lots of ideas about all sorts of things--and if one of those ideas can help you in any way, I will gladly share it with you, and you won't even have to ask.  That's just who I am.  But it's so much harder for me to take those ideas and gift them to myself.  On some level, I've interpreted that to mean selfishness--that I shouldn't want for myself, only for others.  And that's bullshit.  I don't believe it for you, so why should I belive it for me?  And it's hard to let go of old, old programming.  When no one asked when you were young what you dreamed of doing and being, it's hard not to have interpreted that silence as a lack of deservingness.  That you don't have a right to want, because you're not worthy to want.  And I know I'm not unique in this--I know there are plenty of people out there who probably got the same message.  I go around the blogosphere and leave comments for blog-pals to cheer them on in going after their dreams.  You need a cheerleader?  I'm your gal.  No one will shake her pom-poms harder for you if you need me to.  And for those who come here, I sometimes ask of you that you share your love and support for those in need (the injured and sick and those living in violent and dire conditions), but what dreams of mine have you ever read on this blog?  When have I ever stated here that I wanted something for myself?  (Other than maybe some sleep.)  ;)  There've been a couple of times, but not a whole lot.  If any of you were asked right now what my goals and dreams are, I think you'd be hard-pressed to say, because I don't know myself!  And that really hit home again last night watching Malcolm's video.  I got all excited (J was at a gig in the City)..."I'm gonna do that!  I'm gonna make a video slideshow of what I want!"  I went to Google...and then it hit me.  What images should I search for?  What do I want?  I began grabbing photos until I realized that they were all of images that reminded me of positive experiences in my past.  And I suddenly felt very uncreative and stuck, and in that moment I had to accept that I have a hard time imagining my dream future.  And then this morning, I found Wayne Clayton's video on YouTube, where he imagines his future two years from now: And I was deeply touched by Wayne's video, because he imagines many things I want (without even realizing it).  He talks about being wealthy...so that he can grow love.  And really, to my mind, what point is there in having a lot of money if we don't choose to do some good with it?  His video inspired me.  And it made me realize that I do have dreams--I just hide and bury them because I'm a little embarrassed that they seem 'too big.'  Because the one thing I'd like to be is a change agent.  (And for a split second I flashed on that movie, The Station Agent.  I love that movie--we own it.  I could be a Change Agent who lives in an abandoned railroad depot--that would be okay.)  ;)  I don't want to effect change so that I can become powerful--I want to effect change so that I can empower people.  Now I just need to start imagining myself doing that...dreaming myself into my future.

The Secret to You

Day 33

It's going to look like I've posted twice today, but that's because by the time I got Tuesday's post up, it was after midnight.  That post links to a post at Patti's blog that will knock your socks off.  Please check it out.

I'm going to veer off-prompt again, because Patry's list has inspired me.  Check out her 10 Ways Blogging Will Change Your Life post.  I think it's an excellent list, because she's come up with some universal feelings and values shared by so many bloggers.  She's asked commenters to add their own #11.  Here's mine:

#11 - If you keep at blogging for years--if you forge through the cyclical ups and down that can beset any blogger--one day you might have a revelation.  Maybe you're someone who's felt like you've spent decades mining for your authenticity.  Maybe you've read lots of self-help books, attended workshops and retreats, tried therapy, used all sorts of healing techniques, partaken of body work, used more 'tools' than you could shake a stick at to try to find that vein--that passion artery that once you've located it you were just sure would lend a life force to your life.  Maybe you're someone who's always chafed at labels and having others try to fit you inside a neat, little box.  Maybe you've grown convinced that you'll never find your true passion in life because you love to do so many different things, how could you possibly pick just one?  Maybe your love of travel and intense change-craving leads you to a locale far from friends and family.  Maybe you find yourself surrounded by great beauty, but feel dry and desolate on the inside as a result of the isolation.  Maybe one day, around the time of the Iraq invasion, you read online about something called a blog.  It's written by a (then CNN) war correspondent.  You don't really understand what a blog is, except that the stories seem more personal than the video reports you see him give on CNN.  You read his blog for awhile, but after awhile you stop reading it and forget about that whole blog business. About six months later, you stumble upon a news article about something called blogging.  It says that anyone can blog, that anyone can do blogging and be a blogger.  It mentions a free software called Blogger.  It's September 1, 2003, and as you're sprawled on your back on the love seat, with your feet dangling over the arm, and the tiny laptop table next to you as you surf around online with your right hand, you announce to your sweetheart across the room, "I think I'll start a blog."  Maybe you have no idea what you'll blog about--all you know is that after three years of your isolated life, you've grown weary of sending periodic update emails to a distribution list of family and friends.  Maybe if you start a blog, the onus will be on them to read it, instead of on you to send it.  So you go to Blogger and sure enough, it's easy as pie to make a blog, so you do.  But what you couldn't have known that day is what a surreptitiously transformative tool blogging will turn out to be for you.  Along the way you'll discover many other blogs, and one day you'll screw up your courage enough to leave a comment on a few of them (even though you're just sure they all know each other and will wonder who this stranger is in their midst).  And then you manage to enable comments on your own blog (after months of posting) and lo and behold, other bloggers will begin leaving comments for you.  And they'll come from people all over the world.  Blogging will begin to feel to you like a 21st century version of ham radio.  You'll begin to establish connections with fellow bloggers to the point where holiday cards might be exchanged, or even gifts.  Birthdays will be remembered.  Maybe you'll receive baby announcements in the mail.  And on a few occasions, you might even make the leap to speaking to another blogger on the phone.  What you'll discover along the way is that that place they call the blogosphere is full of people who are willing to embrace you with acceptance and support and even love, no questions asked.  It will blow you away to realize that you don't have to be or do anything for them to act that way.  It will seem to be enough that you're just who you are, whatever that is.  And as much as that knocks you out, you'll be even more amazed when it dawns on you one day that you feel the same way about them.  You don't care what they look like or what work they do or where they live or what their relationship or family status is.  You'll just like them for the sense of who they seem to be on their blog. And you'll begin to rejoice in the beauty of blogging and its innate ability to flatten hierarchies.  Your blogging friendships will supercede appearance and race and culture and financial status and professional definition.  You'll discover that you've begun to care about these people.  You'll begin to think (or worry) about them during your 'real' life, when you're away from your laptop.  The relationships you've established with some of your blogger friends will begin to redefine friendship for you.  Because it will be through their support and encouragement and unconditional love that you'll begin to open up a bit, and only then will you realize how very, very closed you've been.  Maybe you'll realize that you've been seeking your tribe, your community, and one day you'll almost weep with the realization that you may have finally found it.  Along the way you'll start several blogs and express many interests and passions.  And you'll come to know, really know, that blogging is a gift in your life, because it can leap across so many passion categories for you--writing and travel and culture and creative expression and publishing and humanitarian desires.  And that's when that revelation will hit you like a lightning bolt when you least expect it.  You've been swinging that pickax for so many decades that you feel like you can barely lift it.  You've been digging and digging, hoping one day to strike authenticity gold.  And that's when it hits you--you've already found it.  It just doesn't look like you thought it would all those years you were searching for it.  It's right here, and you're right in it.  You just didn't realize it.  Authentic means that which is "known to be true."  All this time you thought you had to do one thing to find it.  What you hadn't expected is that it would be more about unveiling your truth, and that blogging would give you the perfect vehicle to do that.  And it will teach you that being authentic isn't a goal, it's a journey.

Day 6

I tried to somehow link a passage on the 37th page of a book to this week's Poetry Thursday theme (a favorite line of a poem), but found that I wasn't 'feelin' it' until I opened Shakti Gawain's Creative Visualization to page 37 and read these old familiar words:

When we are coming out of the empty, grasping, manipulative condition, the first and foremost lesson to be learned is just to let go.  We must relax, stop struggling, stop trying so hard, stop manipulating things and people to try to get what we want and need, in fact stop doing so much and have an experience of just being for awhile. 

When we do this, we suddenly discover that we're really perfectly okay, in fact we feel quite wonderful, just letting ourselves be, and letting the world be, without trying to change things.  This is the basic experience of being here now and it's what the Buddhist philosophy means by "letting go of attachment."  It's similar to the Christian concept, "God's will be done."  It's a very freeing experience and a most basic one on any path of self-awareness.

Reading those paragraphs, I wondered (yet again) why I don't make this book part of my morning ritual--just opening it at random and seeing what message the day contains for me.  It's a book that's been in my life for nearly 30 years (it was first published in '78), and its deceptively simple wisdom never fails to give me just what I need at any given moment.

Yesterday morning, a colleague and I had a meeting with a few students.  One was an 8th grade girl who wasn't even scheduled to be at the meeting, but she's one of my favorite students and I brought her to the meeting when she showed up in the office.  She's had a lot happen in her short life, she's always thoughtful and she tends to speak with wisdom well beyond her years.  At one point, we were discussing European countries and how different lifestyles in certain countries are compared to ours in the U.S.  She was telling us how much she loved the lifestyle she'd lived for while overseas, and asked, "Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could just BE?  If we didn't have to DO stuff all the time, but we could just relax and just BE."  (I'm sure Melba would agree.)  We (adults) agreed, but truthfully, her words didn't have the sort of impact they should have...until I opened Shakti's book this morning and read that sentiment again. 

I've been really struggling--feeling really down, constantly fighting off tears, feeling discouraged and dispirited.   In the midst of all of that, I'm trying to stay as present and aware as I can.  I'm trying to LISTEN (to my intuition).  It never leads me astray, if I just listen to it.  Asking for answers...but not hearing any responses...until last night.  As I was putting away some leftovers, I heard a loud voice in my head tell me something.  I know that sounds goofy, but I'm sure many of you know what I mean when I say that.  I don't mean like someone else was speaking to me (don't buy the meds just yet), but an answer that came loud and clear when I wasn't thinking (too hard) about everything--when I was doing nothing more challenging than scooping some rice into a Tupperware container.

So between the student's words yesterday, Shakti's words this morning and those words in my head last night, I think the message is clear:  JUST BE.  After our morning meeting yesterday, my colleague (after saying how overwhelmed he felt with all that we were faced with 'fixing') said that what we're trying to do is like moving a mountain two inches to the left.  It's HARD, and the resistance can feel overpowering.  The challenge is to know when to take off one's change agent cape.  (I wish I could draw--I'd create a new comic superheroine, "Change Agent!")  How does one know when to walk away from the struggle, and when to keep on?

So today, I'm going to use as my Poetry Thursday choice, the song Sam chose for her wedding march:

LET IT BE
(Paul McCartney...and maybe John Lennon)

When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer, let it be.

Let it be, let it be...

And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me,
shine until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be...

Today, my dears, I'm going to just BE and let IT be.

37 Days of the 37th Page for 37 Days Challenge