California Fever

Jack-in-the-box

aem #9

I haven't felt like writing here for the last few weeks...and I've been wondering why that is.  Part of it is just that I needed a breather.  Sometimes it gets to be too much to keep up with online:  multiple email accounts, blogs, videoblogging, audioblogging, Flickr, 43 Things and reading all of your blogs.  And then throw in the recent blog carnivals and aem.  But the bigger issue is that I had too much emotional (family) stuff happen in too short a time span to not take time to process the prehistoric feelings that were being dredged up.  What I've craved most the last couple of weeks is sleep, and I've been sleeping a lot, for me, and napping--long and hard--at odd times.  I wasn't craving a break from blogging necessarily--I love the connection I feel when I come here--but from writing deeply here. 

I'm not going to blog about the emotional stuff I've been dealing with, but suffice it to say that I've found myself waking in the wee hours in the midst of intense dreams feeling pissed.  As much as I love being back in my home state, there was a freedom in living thousands of miles away from family.  It's hard being folded back into the fold...because I don't fit neatly into the box.

Remember that Jack-in-the-box you had as a child?  That cheap tin box with the little musical crank?  And how when you were really little, it was a challenge to get Jack scrunched back into the box?  I've spent much of my life feeling like that toy.  I'm not nearly as serious as most people think upon first meeting me.  I can be as goofy and unpredictable as Jack...and I don't go easily and willingly back into the box.  But I've grown wary of being misunderstood, so it's often easier to keep big chunks of myself hidden when dealing with most people.  Not to be fake or insincere--because the shy person they get at first impression is a big, genuine part of me--but to let only a small part of myself be known beyond that because many people get uncomfortable when Jack comes out.  Even though I don't play it out much in my day-to-day life anymore, there's a big part of me that still loves to be goofy and unpredictable when people least expect it.  After all, that was the whole appeal of the toy--not just that he'd eventually pop up...but that you could be caught off-guard when he did. 

I took one of my aem collages to work and pinned it to the bulletin board that spans the length of my desk.  One of my coworkers spotted it the other day and asked (pointing in a circular fashion), "What's all this?"  Indeed.  What IS all this?  I replied only, "Oh, it's just a little collage I made at home."  Silence.  And her silence made me laugh...inside.  Because I realized she literally didn't know what to say.  She thinks I'm just the tin box.  She hasn't peeked around her first impression to see that there's a crank in my side...and that I just might let Jack pop up and startle her when she least expects it. 

a quick check-in

aem #8 - creating order  :) 

Did anyone notice that author Dick Richards commented on the "genius" post below?  He assures me that I have only one genius.  :)

This has been my evening thus far:  Sitting at the kitchen table cutting out images while Jeffrey was on the laptop...feeling blue 'cause he just bought a ticket to Portland; he'll be gone December 1-11 (H. turns 15 on 12/2 and he's trying to line up some gigs up there)...eating two big bowls of beans (J did crock pot duty today)...putting on the "Hero" DVD (Jet Li) courtesy of Netflix and dozing off about half an hour into it--not because I wasn't enjoying it (I was) but because I just felt so cozy and sleepy once all the lights were off (which is how I like to watch movies)...doing a last-minute phone check-in with Mom...getting a second wind...taking out the recycling...doing the dishes...and making a list of things to take to Shasta (like the sleeping bag and extra down comforter...it'll be a bit like indoor camping since she's sold most of her furniture).  Now I'm feeling awake again and seriously considering plowing through a week's worth of newspapers or maybe just polishing off the last pages of a book I've been reading for a couple of weeks. 

That's it for now.  More in the morning...

a breather

I'm going to cheat.  I'm feeling a tad behind in my day-to-day life, so I'm going to give myself a catch-up day.  That said, this will be my entry for aem #5.  I used to love to make these safety pin bracelets and haven't made one in a long time.  It's a great way to use up leftover beads...or just a fun project in itself.  So no, I didn't make this today (I barely just woke up!), but I did make it.

It's a gorgeous Fall day today--the sun's shining and I've got the front door open, watching cars look for parking spaces.  Saturday means the Farmers Market is happening around the corner.  I've cranked open all of the windows--we need some fresh air in here.  It's a real adjustment learning to live in an enclosed environment, breathing recycled air.  We're not used to it.  That is one thing I miss about the tropics--being able to exist in an open-air environment 24/7, year-round.  That makes it sound like we were sleeping on the beach or something.  No, it's just that even in the 'cold' of winter (when nighttime temps might drop all the way down to 70!...brrr!) we'd keep our sliding glass doors, windows and wooden shutters open. 

It's been a very active week for me.  My folks left Wednesday morning.  That meant dinner out last Saturday, Sunday and Tuesday nights.  Monday night I took C. trick-or-treating and then had dinner at my brother's.  By the time Thursday night rolled around, I was happy just to be home.  Thursday "The Corporation" arrived from Netflix.  Blue Poppy had recommended it months ago.  If you haven't seen it, you must.  And I make that recommendation having not even seen the entire thing yet!  Thursday night I cooked dinner, but conked out halfway through the DVD.  Last night I grabbed takeout from our favorite Japanese place around the corner and Jeffrey agreed to rewatch the rest of the film I'd slept through the night before...and I fell asleep AGAIN!  I finally dragged myself off the coach, mumbled that I was going to bed, thinking it was about 10...only to discover that it was only 7:30!  Okay, I have officially been granted full Old Fogie status.   

Work was hectic this week.  We had five kids come into the office with upset stomachs who asked to go home.  I realize it's getting to be flu season, but ick.  I haven't had the flu since my last winter in Portland, and it had been years since I'd had it that time.  (I really do believe a fresh air environment contributes to flu prevention.)

I'm feeling like I need a catch-up weekend, especially since I'll be gone the entire holiday weekend next week.  (It's the Mom pack-a-thon in Mt. Shasta.)  There's laundry to be done and bills to be paid and election materials to read and groceries to shop for and newspapers to catch up on (I haven't touched one in a week...that means I've got 14 here waiting to be perused!)  I've got a stack of magazines nearly two feet high, some of which I haven't even flipped through once.  And I still want to watch the rest of "The Corporation."  Not to mention books I've been trying to read.  Just like Ginsu knives...But wait, there's more!  There are blogs to be read and email to catch up on.  And now I have to call my mother back (she just called).

And frankly, all I wanna do is...nothing.  Except maybe go for a bike ride in this beautiful Fall sunshine.  I was up between 2:30 and 6:00.  I fell back asleep after Jeffrey left for work and didn't wake until 11.  ELEVEN O'CLOCK!  It's been, I don't know, decades since I slept till 11?!  So the morning's shot, but I've got the whole rest of the day.  Poor Jeffrey--his workday won't be over until very late.  He's at his day job right now, then he'll drive to Richmond (East Bay area) to play a private party at a hotel tonight...then get up and go to his day job early tomorrow morning...then play his regular jazz gig in Sacramento tomorrow night...then get up and go to work Monday morning.  So the least I can do is some damn laundry.

That said, I'm off to enjoy the rest of this Saturday.  Hope you're having a good one wherever you are.

cherry picker

aem #4 - in the album

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There was a school-wide photo during 4th period today at the junior high where I work.  Kids were assigned to wear either black or red shirts depending on their homeroom and were escorted onto the football field to spell out the words "DRUG FREE" as tribute to their efforts during the recent Red Ribbon Week (drug prevention).

Those of us in the office went out to the field to help supervise.  I had brought our camera to school, thinking maybe I could get a few shots of the shot being set up.  The Vice Principal decided to ride up in the cherry picker with the photographers.  As I saw her climbing into the basket, I ran to the cherry picker to hand her my camera.  As a result, yours truly is the only one who possesses a DRUG FREE photo (until the professional photos are available.)   The Davis Enterprise was there to photograph the event, as well.   About half the teachers and staff joined in the photo; the rest of us were outside the frame, standing at the back.  I was with the group in the back.

aem #3

...in the album.

circular thinking

(This is also in the aem album on the left sidebar.)  This isn't a very good photo...but since I was charged by a pit bull when I left school this afternoon, I'm feeling a tad shaky.  I had the camera on the close-up setting and probably wasn't holding it still enough to make it really sharp (not to mention that it's a bit off-kilter).  Oh well, you get the idea.

By the time I sat down to work on the next aem project this morning, it was a bit later than I'd hope to get started.  (Damn you, blog writers, for distracting me!)  I felt momentarily at a loss as to where to begin or what to do.  Then I spotted some newspaper circulars on the floor by the front door, waiting to be dumped in the recycling can.  Hmmm...circulars.  I'd at least picked up a few kiddie art supplies last night on the way home from yet another dinner out, so at least I had some heavy construction paper and glue.  (My folks went home today, so our social life will return to normal...meaning:  no social life.)

As I was flipping through the circulars and cutting out images and words, I started thinking about the word circular.  Does it have a positive or negative connotation for you?  I'd never really thought about that before.  Lots of silly, happy things are circular...clown noses, balls, bubbles, staircases.  But when we think or say someone's thinking is circular, well that can't be good.  I'm sure, like me, you've had those moments--possibly in the heat of an argument.  You're heading down that road of logic at a rapid clip--passing cars left and right--oh YEAH, I've got you NOW!  And then suddenly the landscape begins to look familiar...and you're thinking, "Didn't I already pass these landmarks?"...and then it hits you:  that "oh shit" moment...when you realize you're (dammit!) right back where you started.  And all you can do is hope and pray that the other party won't notice if you don't let on.  My dictionary says that circular reason is "using as evidence for its conclusion the very thing that it is trying to prove."  Damn, they're on to me...

Art Everyday Month

Many of you know Kat of Kat's Paws; she reads and comments here as I do on her blog.  What you probably don't know is that Kat was one of the very first bloggers I read.  I found her through another blog that she and I both frequented.  I read her blog for awhile, and then as we all do, I started drifting around the blogosphere and sort of lost track of her for awhile.  But I found her again and we reconnected.  She's one of the most delightful bloggers I know.  I love her spirit.  She's also a very talented artist, and for the last couple of years she's done a project she calls "Art Everyday Month" or aem for short.  Her aem project started yesterday, just like NaNoWriMo.  I remember her first aem...and her second.  I never participated, but enjoyed her creations.  This year I'd been toying with participating, but here's the thing:  I HAVE NO ARTISTIC SKILL.  No, seriously...NONE.  Stick figures are a challenge, okay? 

I had something very upsetting happen last night and I can't write about it here and I can't even write about why I can't write about it here...which was really pissing me off at 5:00 this morning when I was sitting at the laptop fuming...both about the incident and about not being able to write about it.  I was clearly in no mood to write a post of any sort, so I started surfing through my Bloglines feeds.  I stopped by Maria's site and she'd written a post yesterday about the start of Kat's aem.  CRAP!  I'd had such a long, busy day yesterday between work and visiting family that I'd forgotten about the start of aem.  But reading Maria's post and thinking about Kat's previous aem's, it suddenly hit me:  maybe this is just what I need.  I can WRITE my way through stuff--feel my way through the morass via words--but the "art" part of my brain?  Hold on, I've gotta go get a broom to sweep away the cobwebs, 'cause dude?  They're HUGE. 

So I left comments at Kat's and Maria's sites that I'd play along this year, but that they shouldn't expect too much.  I'm willing to make a total ASS of myself here.  And it never fails to astound me how daring I can be on my blog versus in my 'real' life.  I know most of you probably have at least some artistic skill, but this is truly a scary thing for me to do...and to do it publicly?  Huge. 

So there I was at 5:30 this morning having NO idea how to begin...and already being a day late.  I grabbed some printer paper, magazines, scissors and a small box of crayons that I bought for some inexplicable reason a couple of months ago but hadn't cracked open.  And it's not like I could take all day--I gotta go to work...and then come home and make some more "art"!  ;)  I couldn't find the glue stick...and then I remembered that it was on St. Thomas that we had glue sticks, and that we'd left a whole box of office-type supplies behind for the next tenant.  (That was dumb.)  So I resorted to Scotch tape.  Ten minutes later, I had something that not anyone would consider "art"...but it is a tiny glimpse of my truth.  I think a common misconception about me is that I'm an innately unhappy person.  My INNER world is a pretty fabulous place...I just don't like it when mean, outside people try to dirty it up. 

This quickie is on the left sidebar in the photo album I created for this project.  (And even photographing these things will be a challenge, since I have two photo skills:  point and shoot.)  If I can figure out how to put the aem button on the sidebar, I'll add it.  (I tried importing it via a Notes TypeList, but that action failed repeatedly--I'm waiting to hear back from TypePad as to why.)

Having said all of that, who else wants to play?  Come on, I know you're just dying to break out the crayons...