California Fever

rivers

The prompt at Poetry Thursday today is "rivers."  As I wrote in my comment there this morning, there are few things I love in this life more than rivers.  My poem is here.

bullet points

I've been awake since about 1:30 am.  That's what I get for taking a catnap after work yesterday and then falling asleep at 9:00 on the couch while watching a movie.  I read for awhile, tried to fall back asleep (to no avail) and then finally decided to get up and plow through the folder of emails I brought home from work.  One of my side gigs this year is to handle the communications piece for our recycling ventures on campus.  I was woefully behind in my duties.  Well, not my duties so much as overall coordination, or at least feeling like I had my pulse on things.  (Between all the added responsibilities at work this year, my pulse felt like it was racing most of the Spring, and we're right in the thick of master scheduling for next year.  I don't anticipate a let-up before I wind up my job for the year on June 29th.)  Just before 5 this morning, I made a pot of Peet's decaf, flipped on NPR and began wading through months worth of printed emails, making notes along the way.  Then I wrote an email to my fellow coordinators--with bullet points even!--about what we might cover in an end-of-the-year meeting as we wrap up our efforts for this year and look toward next year.  I had thought I'd relinquish my post after this year since I'm wired to feel like I'm giving things short-shrift if I fall below the 150% contribution mark.  (Masochism dies hard.)  But the teachers who oversee the school's recycling and garden clubs came to me last week and asked me to continue in the role next year.  (Clearly, their standards for me are significantly lower than my own.)  You know how you feel like something's been hanging over your head and you're just sure you could eliminate that feeling if you could just make yourself set aside an hour or so to actually tackle it?  But the thought of spending that hour makes you feel tired?  That's where I was on this project.  Of course once I spent that hour on it, all was well again...and I wondered why I'd been putting it off for so long.  (Why, oh why, do I have to be such a procrastinator?!)  Ah, well, old habits die hard...

J called about 6 am my time.  He drove all night Sunday night to get them to Columbia, SC and when they finally arrived at 6:30 am, he went straight away to a golf course...then to their hotel and slept...HARD.  And, yes, golf relaxes him.  He'd emailed me at work yesterday afternoon that he'd had a good day.  Golf = good day.  ;)  They play Columbia tonight, Atlanta tomorrow night, Ringgold, VA on Friday night, Asheville, NC on Saturday night and Maryville, TN on Sunday night.  Then they have two days off before hitting the last leg of the tour.  I'm ready for him to be home, but he won't be until Sunday, June 10th.  So I'll busy myself with work and reading and sleeping at odd hours.  And now, if you'll excuse me, I think I need some caffeine...

Look UP!

I'm back.  I had a mostly restful few days, although I did 'force' myself yesterday to do some clean-up at home.  Not actual cleaning, mind you (that'll have to wait for another day), but cleanup.  (Although I've kept the place fairly tidy while J's been gone.)  I spent a good four hours yesterday sorting through paperwork--getting stuff ready to mail, filing, making files, organizing bills, tossing junk mail, etc.  I also did a bit of (inexpensive) shopping this weekend and picked up a few things for the house, including some plants that I repotted.  I love our kitchen--it's a 60's-style kitchen and I love it.  And after all the clean-up and adding the new purchases and plants, the kitchen's looking quite homey, if I do say so.  It's my favorite place to sit in the summertime. Eastern exposure, facing the street, huge tree at the curb, lots of windows and light.  I can sit in one of our big wicker chairs by the window as the breeze wafts in and have coffee and read or listen to the radio. Other than my clean-up session yesterday, I had a thoroughly relaxing three days off.  Napped, read, biked, lounged, went for a couple of country drives.  Yesterday I rode my bike through the greenbelt on the north side of town and then headed south to the Arboretum to my favorite spot in all of Davis:  the redwood grove. (They're coastal redwoods and they remind me of home.) By the time I arrived, the grove was nearly empty.  It was very warm yesterday (90).  I parked my bike and laid down on one of the picnic table benches and looked up.  And I laid that way for awhile--I could have easily fallen asleep.  And I wondered how on earth I could go so many years without lying on my back looking up through redwoods, because surely that's one of the best things in the whole world to do.  I love all trees, but, for me, there's something especially sacred and magical about redwoods.  Because they don't make sense--how do they not topple over?  Their roots are shallow and their skinny trunks are so very tall.  And I laid there looking up at the blue sky and the canopy formed by the tree branches and watched the top of one tree in particular move in the breeze.  And it made me think of the Golden Gate Bridge, because it, too, moves with the weather, but most people don't notice the movement.  Walking through those redwoods most people would have no idea that the tops of the trees are swaying--not just the branches moving in the breeze, but the entire tree swaying.  I grew up around redwoods (and my parents have some on their property), so I know they move, but maybe that's my lesson for today:  don't forget to look UP...because there might be something happening that I'd otherwise miss.

J has our camera on the road with him, so no photos from my weekend.  But here's a shot of the Arboretum grove.  Not a very good picture, but it gives you an idea of what it looks like.

P.S.  I'm reading Gilead right now. Ohmygosh, now I understand what all the fuss was about.  It's just so...beautiful.

P.P.S.  And speaking of the Golden Gate Bridge, it celebrated its 70th birthday over the weekend.  Click here for a live webcam.

simple

I'm taking a little break.  Staying mostly unplugged for a few days.  A mini-retreat at home, perhaps.  But I did write a little something for Sunday Scribblings today, since the prompt is so aligned with how I'm spending my time.  Simple.

Kids for Kids

Once again, Thursday is going to come and go without me participating at Poetry Thursday.  I've been so distracted by other things--other pursuits and pleasures--that I'd completely forgotten what this week's prompt was.  It was to write a poem with dialogue.  Honestly, I'm not sure I could do that with loads of prep time, let alone on the fly.  I thought about trying to dash off a poem using the random prompt generator...until I realized I'm just not in a poetry mood today.  But head on over to PT to check out what poetsphere has given us today.

I've really come to realize in the last week that J's been gone just how much I've been craving QUIET.  Don't misunderstand, he's a very quiet and soft-spoken person, often a man of few words.  I think I've been craving quiet time to dance to my own rhythms.  I can be utterly selfish while he's gone, and I'm reveling in it.  I'm also feeling quite out of balance with regard to my 'real' vs. professional life--feeling such pleasure in my own life and such aggravation in my work life--that it makes me want to soak up the sensual pleasures offline even more.  So if I haven't been by your blog in awhile, rest assured I'll make it there eventually.  I'm just lost right now in my own la-la land of self-nourishment.

And I need to find some real balance re the work situation.  Something beyond walking out to the school garden at lunchtime yesterday to clip some roses for my desk to remind me of beauty.  My head can get so wrapped up in fighting the fight on that front that finding this Daily Om message in my IN box this morning can only lead to annoyance...

Sometimes we find it difficult to see the good in people, places, or situations that aren't to our liking.  We focus on the things we don't like in our lives as a way of fueling our efforts to create change.  There is nothing inherently wrong with this, and it is one way we make progress.  However, if we get too caught up in this way of looking at the world, we lose touch with our ability to sit back and simply say yes to everything on our plates, which is the true starting point for all successful activity.  Sometimes what we really need is to encourage ourselves to look deeply into all things in our lives to see the inherent goodness at the heart of everything.

Well, who the hell wants to do that?!  ;)  I'm really struggling at work since I find myself in a situation where I feel quite taken advantage of.  It's hard for me to not get riled up over the injustice of it, and lord knows, fewer things in life can rile me more than injustice.  How does one reach a place of acceptance without being a doormat?  If someone has that magical answer, would you please email it to me?  STAT!  ;)

On a positive note, I'm working with Kids for Kids to see if we can have its founder, Patricia Parker, speak to a group of students at my school in a couple of weeks.  It's a wonderful opportunity for the kids to hear about a charity that helps children help other children, specifically the children of Darfur.  I hope we can make it happen.  And it's only a possibility because they found me through this blog.  Just one of the million reasons why I love the blogosphere.  Please hold a good thought that we can make it happen.

St. Louis

Just a quick note to say that Liz's Mom came through the surgery well (see post below).  So far, so good.  News on the biopsies to come.  The post at Liz's blog is here.

I'm dragging this morning.  Stayed up late reading and I'm paying the price for it.  It's already time to get ready for work...and I feel like I just left there.  Yesterday was kind of a stressful day at moments, and I'm not sure why.  At one point I mouthed to two coworkers, "Is it a full moon?" because the day had that sort of vibe to it.  Oh well, nothing that a green tea latte can't cure, I suppose.  (Starbucks drive-thru, here I come.)

Jeffrey went to the Cardinals game in St. Louis last night.  They beat the Pirates.  He sat in the bleachers and was tickled that he got his seat for only $11 with his AAA discount.  He said it was a good game, and I think he had a good time.  They've had two days off in St. Louis and their hotel was in a great location, near most of the attractions.  He had thought about going up in the arch, which shocked me since he's afraid of heights.  But he walked to the base of it yesterday and chickened out.  :)  Today they head to a club just outside of Chicago.  I'm sure the time off felt wonderful after a whirlwind four days where they played Omaha, Minneapolis, Des Moines and St. Louis.

hundreds of ways

Mira Nair was in town last night to speak at Mondavi Center.  I skipped that discussion, but before that, she came to the Varsity Theatre (our newly-renovated vintage theatre in downtown Davis that shows only indie films which is only a few blocks from our house) to introduce her film, Monsoon Wedding.  She was, in a word, fabulous.  She's a stunningly beautiful woman and she spoke so eloquently about how she came to make that film and her creative process behind it.  It was made for only a million dollars, and she shot it over two summer months in 2000 because it was her son's summer vacation and she wanted him to be with her.  She said that she and her writing partner wanted to give a "reality check version" of an Indian wedding, since most Bollywood versions are so over the top.  She used very few professional actors, casting mostly family members and people in her community in India--many of whom have gone on to become popular actors and comedians. She explained that the Punjabi people she comes from in Northern India "are the party animals of India"--that they're whiskey-drinking, hard-partying people, and that most Indian weddings are exactly like what's portrayed in the film.  She also talked about how she wanted to interweave many different love stories, and the hesitation she felt about including one plotline about sexual abuse which is still kept very silent in India.  She told of trying set aside that part of the story, and how the film completely fell apart without it.  She said she was surprised by how many people were there to see the film last night, since it's an old one.  She thanked us for coming, and thanked the Varsity for supporting independent film.  (They recently completed a run of her new film, The Namesake.)  I'd seen the Monsoon Wedding once before, but it was a treat to see it again with her backstory in mind.  Along with the minimal budget, she had in mind to shoot it in 30 days, and as the final credits rolled, there was a mention of it:  40 locations in 30 days.  There are scenes from the film woven throughout the final credits and since I was sitting in the front, I didn't realize until I got up to leave that nearly everyone sat through them.  And...she announced that Monsoon Wedding is coming to Broadway!  The team behind Hairspray is collaborating with her on a stage production, and we can expect it to hit the stage in a year or two.  I've been a Mira Nair fan since Mississippi Masala.  I love that film (we own it), and I love how in it she tied Amin's banishment of Asians in Uganda to an interracial love story in the American Gulf Coast.  Mira Nair is an American filmmaking treasure, and we're very lucky to have her.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Today, like every other day, we wake up empty
and frightened.  Don't open the door to the study
and begin reading.  Take down a musical instrument.

Let the beauty we love be what we do.
There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.

~The Essential Rumi

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

When I opened today's Daily Om email, it was about "Hope in Hardship"...

"As difficult as the obstacle plaguing you seems, it is no match for the love of a supportive universe that has been a part of your life since the day of your birth and will be with you forevermore."

Liz is one of my dearest blog-pals, and I've been lucky to have exchanged a few emails with her wonderful mother.  Her Mom has been diagnosed with uterine cancer.  She's having surgery today--a hysterectomy that will also remove a large cyst from one of her ovaries.  Let's be a living example of that Daily Om message for her Mother today.  Let's be a part of her supportive universe.  Please send Liz's Mom your thoughts and good wishes and hopes and prayers, so that she may feel great hope in the face of this hardship.  Liz, I'm holding a powerfully good thought that your Mom comes through her surgery easily, and that on the other side of that door is nothing but good news.  xoxo

pulling in

I had what bordered on almost a retreat-like weekend.  Doing just what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it.  Saturday I went for a long walk--yesterday it was a long bike ride.  Between time spent in the yard and walking around and biking all over town, I felt like a little kid who dreaded having to go back inside.  Remember that feeling when you were a kid--how you could play and play and play outside for hours on end?  And how it was such a bummer to have to go home and be cooped up in the house, even if there was a good dinner waiting for you and maybe something you liked on TV, like "That Girl" or "Gidget?" 

I doubt most people would consider me an outdoors-y sort of person.  They'd probably peg me for the intellectual type--quiet, serious, smart, good with my mind.  And I am those things, but I'm also someone who thrives outdoors.  Let me clarify though--outdoors in the sun.  I'm someone who thrives in sunny warmth (hence the five years in the Caribbean).  It takes very little to make me happy--some sunshine, some natural beauty and the freedom to be out in it.  I'm not a good consumer--I don't care about acquiring stuff.  What I care about is the luxuriant feeling of ease I get from being outside on a gorgeous day.  It feels like summer has arrived, even though she's officially a month off.  And I'm nothing if not a summer gal.  I live for summer. 

And best of all (no offense attended--I love you all), I spent most of the weekend far from the computer.  I was craving nature and fresh air and sun and the feeling of losing myself in books.  So imagine my thrill when I was browsing through books at the thrift store yesterday and found this. I've been meaning to read it for years.  It fits perfectly with my current mood. 

As we wind down the school year (another month of classes and then I work two weeks beyond that), I find myself thinking not even of summer plans (although I'll be thinking about those soon enough), but of how I want to shape my work life in the next school year.  This was a stressful year in many ways, and I'm looking at how to parlay my options to make the experience both more rewarding and less stressful next year.  And maybe most importantly, how to craft my work life there in a way that will leave me more time and energy to pursue things in my 'real' life that bring me pleasure. I'm trying not to think of it as a pulling back, but rather as a pulling in...toward myself.

recharging

I haven't felt much like posting.  Last week was very hectic.  From the previous Friday to last Friday, I felt like I was going nonstop.  So yesterday I stopped...going.  Late last week a friend asked if she could sleep over tonight.  At first I said yes, because that's what I do--I say yes and think about the request later.  But then I began to feel stressed at the mere thought of it--not the sleeping over part (and I always enjoy her company), but the fact that I'd have to give up part of my weekend to clean the house.  I asked if we could switch it to Monday evening, and we did...but then I remembered that there was this event at the indie theatre a few blocks away on Monday evening and that I'd really wanted to attend.  I invited her to come with me, but she passed. 

I wanted a weekend without an agenda.  I didn't want to have to be anywhere or to have to do anything in particular.  I needed two days of unscheduled time.  I had a lovely day yesterday in our gorgeous weather.  My day included (in no particular order) a green tea latte from Starbucks, time spent watering the lawn, a leisurely stroll through the Farmer's Market around the corner (where I picked up a summer squash plant and some produce), a bike ride to the Co-op for some groceries (it's their annual 11% off everything sale this weekend), sitting in the shade listening to our school's jazz band play at the plaza around the corner, a browse through Bogey's Books (where I picked up this book), a Matcha Green Tea Blast from Jamba Juice, a long leisurely walk through the UC Davis Arboretum and a random walk back through the campus, reading in bed, a short nap, watching two films on DVD.  For lunch yesterday I made wraps from spectacular spicy handmade vegan organic tortillas I picked up at the Farmer's Market, and for dinner I had organic lentil soup with crusty olive bread dipped in olive oil.  I love when I can eat whatever I want without worrying about whether or not Jeffrey will like it!  :)

And best of all, I slept until 8:30 both mornings this weekend.  Since arriving home from work on Friday I've slept whenever the urge struck, even if my sleep/wake cycle is off by other people's standards. And you might not have noticed this from reading the above, but I haven't been in the car since I got home from work on Friday night.  I love being able to walk and bike everywhere--LOVE it!  Davis is arguably one of the most livable towns in the country.  I can see how they've worked hard to make it, and keep it, that way, and I truly appreciate it.  In my travels yesterday I saw squirrels, wild rabbits, lots of ducks (including ducklings), a wild turkey, a horse, and myriad dogs and cats and birds.  And I didn't have to go anywhere except for a walk.

I hadn't written a poem in a week.  I completely missed Poetry Thursday last week.  But I did write a little something for Sunday Scribblings today.  The prompt is "masks" and the poem is here. 

And now, if you'll excuse me, I hear a thirsty lawn.  Enjoy your Sunday!

rushing and kinking

What happened to yesterday?  Seriously.  I felt like I was going non-stop from about 5 am until I crashed on the couch last night about 9:30.  I thought I was watching basketball until I woke with a kink in my neck at 1:15 am and dragged myself to bed.  It was a busy, hectic day...and now I already feel like I'm rushing and I just got up.  I have the rice pack wrapped around this kinky spot in my left shoulder and a mug of green tea at my elbow. 
Once a year, the office staff at school cooks breakfast for the teachers...and today is that day.  A couple of us spent a lot of time yesterday preparing for that.  We do it in the Home Ec room (sadly, unused this year).  There was much tidying up and furniture rearranging and decorating (including picking flowers from our lovely school garden) and unloading of Costco goodies...when I wasn't at my desk actually working.  And that was after a busy morning--J's last at home--when they kept changing the departure time on him.  It gave us a chance to go out to breakfast before I had to leave, which was nice.  He called from Reno about 1:30 when they stopped for lunch and again at 9:00 last night.  They were about 100 miles from Salt Lake City and were probably going to continue on for awhile.  I'll call him in a bit to find out where they spent the night.  The first date's in Omaha tomorrow--sound check at 3.  After work I made a beeline for my brother's in Dixon to borrow their new electric skillet for the staff breakfast this morning.  There's a large (nice) TV in the Home Ec (which never gets used) and I noticed yesterday that it's hooked up to a VCR.  I thought it might be fun to have a silly school-related movie playing in the background during breakfast.  Marty and Chelle loaned me their tape of School of Rock.  I had a taco salad at their house and after we ate, we sat down at the kitchen table for a fierce game of Yahtzee.  Marty beat Ciara by 1 point...until she realized that when he'd added her score he'd mistaken a 6 for a 0.  Turns out she beat him by 5.  Not that that tickled her or anything, since she HATES to lose.  :)  I offered to take her for ice cream before I left for home.  There's a drive-thru Baskin & Robbins there, but she opted for a new ice cream shop next door to her gymnastics studio.  The ice cream was good, the portions were hefty and it's relatively inexpensive.  They also make good sandwiches and I took one home to her Dad.  As soon as I got home, I watered our now re-seeded front lawn, returned a few calls, watched the last 10 minutes of Idol...and curled with the NBA.  And that, my friends, is how I spent my first day with J away...