California Fever

garden

Today has been a busy day.  It's also a gorgeous day--temps around the mid-70's.  We hit the laundromat this morning, making a break for IHOP while the washers were running.  Then I went to the library.  They have a small alcove where they sell hardcovers for $1 and paperbacks for 50 cents.  I picked up a few books for the road (including a couple for my brother and sister-in-law.)  I also picked up a golf-related biography for J.  Then it was on to the Dollar Store where I put together a small Easter basket of (non-edible) goodies for my coworker who'll be stuck covering the front office by herself all of next week.  After that, Jeffrey drove me to school.  I needed to pick up my bike, which I'd left there days before, and I'd forgotten to do a few things yesterday.  I worked for about 90 minutes, with a blues radio show blasting in the background.  When I'd finished, I got on my bike and pedaled over to our school garden to snap a few photos.  It's a lovely garden, don't you think?  Snapped a quick shadow photo (it's here) and headed off to Rite-Aid to pick up some toiletries and sympathy cards.  Now I'm ready for a nap.  J wants to head to Wal-Mart for a few things, but I'm hoping he'll let me stay home and curl up in bed with a book instead.  :)

Taylor's birthday

THANK YOU for all of your very kind and supportive comments.  I truly appreciate it.  I'm going to carry all of you with me as I head out on what will surely be quite a road trip...

Shadow #7 is here.  I ran errands after work and by the time I took this photo, Jeffrey was cooking a take-n-bake pizza and getting ready to head to a gig.  I walked to the park around the corner trying to find a slice of light in the setting sun.  Plopped my butt on the curb at the park and snapped--didn't even care what it looked like.  I was tired.  I am tired.  I'd made sure to cover anything that might come up next week at work, and my coworkers are all being very gracious in offering to help out any way they can.  I learned today that we not only get bereavement leave--we get up to 5 days for out-of-state travel for it.  So I'm able to take all of next week off with pay.  Even better, Spring Break is the week of April 9th.  That means that I'm off work for the next 16 days.  Just typing that almost makes me cry.  I've been really ready for a break--I just could have never expected my break would double in length because of a family loss.

The viewing is Wednesday night in Phoenix; the service is Thursday morning.  It looks like we'll hit the road sometime on Monday.  I'll keep you posted.  I'm hoping Marty and Chelle will bring their laptop--we'll see.

With everything that's happened, I completely forgot to mention here that TODAY is Taylor's 6th birthday.  I thought some of you might want to pop over to her blog to wish her a Happy Birthday.  I'm going to do that right now...

And then I'm going to put on my PJ's, grab the new Annie* and curl up in bed.  I might even have another good cry.

(*Hey, look, she's in Portland on Tuesday night.  The Bagdad is where they shot some of this film.  That Hawthorne neighborhood is my old stomping grounds.)

Betty

My Aunt Betty died at 12:27 last night.  (See previous post.)  I called my mother this morning to see if she'd heard any more news and she said, "Just what I told Jeffrey at 12:30 last night..."  I guess he hadn't wanted to wake me.  I called my brother--he had picked up the phone when Mom called...and didn't sleep all night after hearing the news.  We're waiting to hear when the funeral will be.  We'll probably all (except for Jeff because work commitments at both the golf course and with gigs will keep him here) load into my brother and sister-in-law's Excursion and drive to Vegas to pick up Mom and then drive down to Phoenix. (Mom has a severe vision disability and can't travel alone.) I don't have Spring Break until the week of the 9th, but they'll understand at work when I say I'll be using leave to take the trip.  And now I have to head off to work because if I'm going to be gone for part of next week, I need to get a head start on some stuff today.  Thanks for your thoughts and prayers on the previous post.  I called my Dad just now to deliver the news--he and his former sister-in-law were always fond of each other.  He said, "She was a helluva gal."  Yes...she was.

Aunt Betty

Four hours ago, my mother got a call from one of her nieces--my Aunt Betty's (Mom's sister) daughter.  Betty had had a heart attack and was in surgery.  Betty's had a rough week or so.  Last week she passed out walking into her kitchen, smashed her nose pretty bad in the fall and woke in a pool of blood.  She lives in Phoenix, as do both of her daughters and most of her grandchildren.  They took her to the doctor and discovered her nose wasn't broken, but she had pneumonia...again.  Lest you think she's some little old frail lady...she's 84, still lives alone and is feisty as hell.  She's had her share of health troubles, but if you chatted with her on the phone, you wouldn't think you were talking to an 84-year-old.  She has a great sense of humor.  I've been meaning to call her for days.  She was at her oldest daughter's house for a few days of recuperation, but went home a couple of days ago.  Her oldest daughter went to pick her up today to take her to get some X-rays.  She complained that her arm was hurting and that she didn't feel well.  Her daughter (who's a nurse) called 911.  She was taken into surgery immediately.  We got an update about an hour ago--her heart hasn't started beating on its own.  She's on life support and it doesn't look good.  I can write these words, but the impact of them hasn't begun to sink into my consciousness.  My mother said that if she got word during the night that Betty had passed, she wouldn't bother calling to wake me.  I said that of course I wanted her to call, but that I was having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that it's even a possibility. I'm posting this here in case anyone reads it between now and morning simply to say, if you would be so kind as to please hold a good thought for her.  If it's her time, it's her time...and I will accept that (and try not to beat the shit out of myself for not picking up the phone the past few days).  But whatever the outcome, I just don't want her to be in pain.  I guess that's really what I'm asking...if you'd hold a thought for her that she doesn't suffer.

shadows #5 and #6

Forgot to take the camera yesterday and I was gone all day.  Made up for it by taking two shots early this morning on the way to work.  #5 is here and #6 is here.

as it were

most walk right by
me mistaking the missing
slats in my shutters
as a signal that i'm
less than desirable the
way one might mistake
a toothless smile as a
lack of intelligence
but if you were to climb
those three red steps
out front the gateway
to my magic you'd
find that a whole
world of wonders
lives in my belly i've
been a house to
many and home to
a few i've seen new life
enter this threshold
and watched some souls
depart through the walls
i've known music and
much of it and love
in many forms i've
taken a beating and
proudly display my scars
as evidence of lives
truly lived in darkness
and light and when i
hear a second line coming
when a funeral march
passes by i pause in
my musings to salute
a fellow traveler on their
journey to freedom
on their passage
into night

This week's prompt at Poetry Thursday is more image inspiration--to speak from inside a painting.  I chose As It Were by  James Michalopoulos, a New Orleans artist found via Crossroads Dispatches.  And when I went to the "about the artist" link after writing this, it made me smile when I read this: "...he has created a reputation based on his unique portrayal of the music and energy lurking in houses."

shadow #4

Shadow #4

Come on, join us!  We're over here in the 37 Days Shadow Portraits pool.  It's fun...really!  ;)  Your 37 days can start anytime!

dreaming on Vox

It rained on Monday.  That combined with the fact that I fell asleep at 5:45 and didn't wake until 12:45 means that I missed shooting a timely shadow self-portrait for Monday.  You'll have to settle for a shot of my limp hand against the kitchen wall shot in the wee hours of Tuesday morning.  Maybe the sun will come out today...

If you're looking for something more closely resembling a 'real' post, I'm over on Vox this morning.

in the kitchen

"in the kitchen" i read
and i groaned right out loud
it's my least favorite room
where i've never felt proud

i hate to cook i hate to
prep i guess baking's okay
but it's not high on my list
of what makes my own day

then i read that beautiful post
at lori-lyn's dream life
and felt a surge of emotions
feelings of trauma and strife

because i don't carry warm
memories of kitchens inside
i carry the scars of fighting and
lies and a deep need to hide

my childhood kitchen bore the
scar of a knife given flight
by the fury of a spouse who felt
someone had taken her light

when i think of that kitchen i
think of fighting and screaming
of a small girl turning inward
of it haunting her dreaming

the same shade of yellow is
on my kitchen counters now
the room called to me loudly
if you live here i'll show you how

how to heal that part of you that's
still damaged by what you saw
the screams that made you clench
the words that made you raw

i'll show you how to see
that experience in a new light
how to reframe the memories
how to let the hurt take flight

you'll make your own memories
and this kitchen will be a gift
you'll put that pain in a yellow bubble
give it a kiss and let it drift

wtj 2 and shadow #2

New post at Ning about 'wreck this journal' and another shadow portrait.